getting over it

Semantic shift

2011-11-22T15:01:00.002+11:00

...is a term I've taught to my English Language students. All it basically means is when a words changes meaning, and there are different forms of this:

Broadening: when the word originally meant something specific, and now includes more than it used to. (Kleenex for any tissue, for example, which is also 'Commonisation' btw.) 'Meat' used to mean any kind of food.

Narrowing: the opposite of broadening.

Deterioration: When we turn a word into something nasty. 'Erect'. 'Gay'. 'Hussy' (which used to mean housewife, btw.)

Elevation: the opposite of detereoration.

...anyway, you get the gist.

What it's got me pondering is: will our language ever semantically stay motionless? Do people realise that we speak an ever changing language? Or is it just old people that seem to be bitterly aware that they're not up 'with it'?

I wonder if i'll one day sit down at a computer or in a cafe and think "What the hell are these people talking about?" It's like in 'Finding Nemo,' when the fish says (about the baby stoner turtle) "It's like he's trying to speak to me."

Who knows?
AFK :P

i can see my future...

2011-11-19T11:14:00.000+11:00

I'm sitting in a dark, comfortable cafe, drinking coffee, reading my book. I can see the beach from here. Good music. Perfect.

2011-11-17T17:14:00.000+11:00

First post in over a year.

2011-11-17T16:56:00.002+11:00

It's not you. It's me. I promise. Laziness, practicality, an obsession with facebook (that I've now left due to a hacker)...whatever. You don't really care that much, do you?

Today was a everything-that-can-go-wrong-will-go-wrong kinda day. It took me an hour to get dressed. Pants inside out. Top back-to-front. Stain on top that looked like someone had ejaculated on me. Black flats went missing. Sit down. Too tired to put on yet another outfit... cue being late for work.

I.T problems, the exams I had left for my class going missing (ending up stabled to another classes exams- wtf), not enough desks set up in exams, stub toe, slam finger in car door, cancel appointment because I remembered I have after school meetings, etc.

I won't bore you too much with all the details. Let's just say, it could have gone a whole lot smoother. In fact, if you want to know how smooth today was, it was my homemade pancake batter smooth. (Floury lumps are a given.)

What I really want to say is that I miss writing. Not necessarily because I don't write anymore...I think it's more the networking relating to writing. Getting feedback. I even liked being criticised. (Is that weird?) I felt like I was a nerdy little part of something bigger...much like I assume all the c.o.d die hards do. Do you think they think about the fact that they're part of a macrocosm of fake guns and sweaty finger movements?

I should stop ranting. I'll write again when I have something better to say.

My life, the movie. (An embarrassing comedy.)

2010-06-06T14:07:00.002+10:00

In my life B.D (Before Dean), I was sort of seeing this guy named Andy, if you can call it that. He was a lifeguard. I thought he was cute. Turned out he was just a bit of a jock. I talked to his friend about music more than I talked to him. The friend told me he loved me in the middle of a pub. I didn't love him. I didn't know what to say, he must have seen this because he left the pub, never came back and never talked to me again.

Now, in life A.D, I became a teacher. I was confident. I was young. I was at my first ever swimming sports, wearing an oversized blue cowboy hat with far too much tinsel on it considering it wasn't Christmas, but that's what you do at the swimming sports.

Swimmming pools have lifeguards.

Of course, out of all the swimming pools, in all the world, he had to be guarding (is that right??) mine. Ugh.

My exaggerated cries of "GO XAVIER!!" (My swimming house) became muted and I swapped duties with a teacher who was not quite as close to Andy, the friend of Mr I love you.

Then, last night, I was at an engagement party with Dean and Mr I love you was waiting the event. I know there's a captain obvious, but if he had a cousin, I'm sure he'd be named Captain Awkward, and Captain Awkward was well and truly at the engagement party.

He had to serve us all night, and when I told one person why the waiter wasn't going anywhere near us, or when he did he didn't make eye-contact, it spread pretty quickly. Enter alcohol. Enter rude (slightly too loud) comments being made about the waiter who apparently looks like a monkey.

I was so mortified. It's bad enough that I didn't say anything when Mr I love you told me he loved me, but this was a little too much.

My life, the movie. I wonder how many embarrassing chapters there are?

i (think i) need help

2010-05-28T15:28:00.002+10:00

I'm sitting in a classroom by myself. It's 3:29pm. The kids have gone. I'm asking myself 'why on earth is anyone a teacher?' I'm asking myself 'why am I a teacher?' I'm asking myself 'Is it because i'm afraid of change or because I think I should not be a quitter.' I'm trying to remember the really good classes I had before this one. I vaguely remember them, but it's hard when there's one recent thorn in your side drawing your attention...

When something is hard, how do you know when to quit and when to attempt to triumph over the obstacle?

uh oh

2010-05-22T10:28:00.000+10:00

i live next door to boo radley

I'm getting over teaching

2010-05-14T10:10:00.002+10:00

I don't think I am meant to be here. I'm sitting at my desk, thinking about the future, getting worried. Does worrying ever end? I heard a cover of the song 'Pursuit of Happiness' this morning on the way to work and couldn't help but ask...is this making me happy? How does a person get content with everything? I think I may have taken the road more travelled. Now I have to go back. This is going to take a while, isn't it?

Now, the Beatles 'Help' is coming to mind. Not in a relationship sense. In a I need a guru or a mentor or something. Maybe a counsellor to peer into my cobwebbed head and say "you need a spring cleaning, young lady."

I have so many responsible lady outfits now...and none of the seem to fit right.

I dissapeared!!!

2010-03-18T22:45:00.003+11:00

Whoa. I just realised my job ate my life.

Seriously.

I got a job at a cool independant school, exactly where I wanted a job. English and Humanities (History, Geography, Economics.) The years I wanted to teach and everything.
So now, it's one week before the end of term. I'm at school from 8am to 5pm. I often do work after work or I fall into an exhausted heap.
I moved here to get away from people, made friends, and now they (or most of them) have moved away, and I feel like a 'social retard' (as the kids put it.) But what's the point in having friends if you don't have any time to pay them attention.

*sigh*

The job is good. It's hard, but I know i'm changing peoples lives, which is pretty mind blowing. I think it's generally for the better... but then some days you come home and you just remember that kid who looked at you like you're a piece of shit, and you think "Wow, really?"

So, here's the plan.

1) Start writing again. Blog, emails, letters, poetry, lyrics, stories, etc.

2) Talk to more people, force myself to be more social

3) Prioritise

any other suggestions? Hm, well I guess nobody is there anymore. Poo. I've lost you too... :(

I am such a nerd

2009-12-14T19:53:00.001+11:00

I love books

I love movies

The latest development?

I now love lawn bowls.

Oh dear God, please help me find my coolness.

yesterday i roadtripped on Hamilton

2009-11-20T08:50:00.002+11:00

I ate mouldy bread, she drank lumpy coffee, we sung loudly and badly. I trapped her in a car, had a 2 hour interview, bought a light-sabre and a curly straw for her to say sorry. Was back by 9pm... still tired.

Random.

Why are tattoos considered trashy?

2009-11-15T12:44:00.004+11:00

Throughout history, self-expression has been abused every time a new form of self-expression becomes popular. At the moment, tattoo's are beginning to get a bad name. If you get onw above your bum, it's called a 'tramp stamp', heaven's forbid you get an asian symbol or a butterfly, because then you'll be the most cliche person in the entire universe...

People say, "get something unique", "get something that means something to you", but what if you're one of those people that believes butterflies are the most beautiful creature on the earth?

What I'm getting at, is that I think people should stop dissing other peoples choices.

In the end it is Their choice, and they're the ones who are going to have to live with them...unless they pay a hefty fee for a removal job.

Potentially my next tattoo (see picture, for idea... but more roughly sketched so it looks like it's been drawn on). (Somewhere hidden, as usual.)

sharks in the sea...

2009-11-14T18:30:00.000+11:00

The women I know tell me all I need to know about men. Not the normal sort of blabber about finding a way to their heart through their stomach... though I’m sure some of my more bitter friends would probably consider getting to a man’s heart through their stomach (in a more literal sense.)
These friends, whilst yo-yoing from bitter to in-lust have varied advice to offer. While in bitter mode they say things like “finding a good man is as easy as nailing jelly to a tree” or “in life, men are like parking spaces. All the good ones are taken, and all the available ones are retarded.”
Whilst not very p.c, I could quite clearly see the point when they said these things. In life, you see the perfect people with the perfect people, you judge the couples that seem oddly matched and you end up realising that should you be with one of those perfect people in life, you would be the dodgy side of the oddly matched pair.
Then, there are the periods when my friends are in lust. The advice during these times are generally very rose-tinted, resembling hallmark cards rather than their usual witty selves. “Always look on the bright side of life.” “Better the devil you know.” “There are always more fish in the sea.” My automatic reaction when hearing that last one is generally thinking of an image of large groups of shark sillhoettes, circling the depths of the ocean beneath my desperately kicking feet.
My colourful and loud friend Sarah was bitching about her latest relationship failure. An overly stereotypical irishman named Michael who had been (in Sarah’s words, not mine) “shtupping” another girl whilst he was “giving it” to Sarah. It was a bad situation, but the way she phrased it made me smirk. She dramatically banged her auburn ringlet covered head on the table, shouting “why me?” while I asked myself if it maybe wasn’t a good thing it had happened to Sarah rather than some girl who, unlike Sarah, would imagine that it was something she’d done, rather than the egotistical polygomist.
“I can’t believe I fell for another loser.”
“Maybe you should date someone you’re not interested in?” I suggested, dipping a chip into sauce.
She threw her head up in one swift movement and looked as if i’d suggested something plausible. I don’t know why i’d said it, and instantly wished I hadn’t.
“ooor...” I began, trying desperately to think of an alternative, “or, you could stop dating.”
Her nose made a weird snorting noise.
“No? Well, why don’t you help me with my dating project instead of getting into your own just yet.”
Shifting her head sideways, she narrowed her eyes at me. “Which is...?”
“Uh... it’s an internet thing.”
“What? Like an internet dating thing? My cousin, Lina tried that and met a lifetime quota of creepy guys. This one guy, Colin, stalked her for 3 weeks before she called the cops on him when she found him not only trying on her underwear in her bedroom, but also taking photographs of himself in it.”
“Eww.”
“Very. So, it’s not like that then is it?”
“Uh, no.”I lied trying to think of an alternative. “I was thinking of creating a web-site... under a pseudonym, where we could give dating advice to the vast masses of clueless and dateless people out there. Kind of a cross between the advice columns in the magazines and a confession about our own little stories... why dating men in uniforms isn’t as impressive as it sounds, why you should be careful what you wish for, why...”
“Why you shouldn’t fall for people with men just because of their accents?”
I grinned. “Exactly.”
“So you said we’d use another name. What would ours be?”
“I have no idea. Maybe we need to wait for a sign about that.”
And so, we waited.

Do blondes have more fun?

2009-11-05T10:39:00.001+11:00

Guess I'm going to find out..... eek!!

strange nights

2009-11-03T14:48:00.003+11:00

My room was hot and stuffy, so I opened the balcony door, letting the night breeze pull out the air; but because the door was opened, I couldn't help staring out into the melodramatic sky - filled with clouds that predicted storms and noises that were indefinable. The melodramatic sky seeped into my room, bringing the shadows to life. If I were a child I would have been scared... but it just seemed interesing and... soothing.

Have you ever read and written something extremely depressing, but instead of filling you with sadness, you just felt immense comfort? Perhaps it's because only in sadness we know happiness, as many people say. I like to think that when we explore emotions and the contexts they're in, that's the point where we can empathsize the most.

Perhaps it's because everything seems to be coming to an end. Not only the obvious things like my course and the year, but also a change in emotions and events...

Could there be a Ballarat version of a Sante Ana wind, like I said to someone not long ago?

Last night, the storm clouds brouded behind the silhouette of a palm tree outside my window, and I felt at peace.

I just fainted and no one was here to see it.

2009-11-02T21:11:00.002+11:00

oh dear.

i remember why i want to teach

2009-10-25T18:47:00.003+11:00

so i can learn; and i am definately doing that....

This week i have learned about mobile phones, about scams, about the virgin cure for AIDS (absolute b.s), about poetry, about economics, about blood diamonds, plastic bags and so on.

I'm feeding my intellect. Intellectually, I feel warm. It's just time that i'm loosing. But my soul feels happy.

I cried in my teaching rounds..

2009-10-16T18:14:00.002+11:00

Yep. Big sook, table for one. I had a horrible class. I apparently did everything right, but they were just skitzy. The rest of my classes have gone really well... but this one...

for a moment, and I know this is stupid, I almost quit my course 4 weeks shy of completing. Intelligence of a brick as well as a big sook. Yup.

World 2, Hilary 0.

But the rest of them were okay... *sigh* I wonder how many people want to give up their career every day?

Bogan Neighbour Alert

2009-10-11T15:43:00.002+11:00

The drug lords accross the road have moved out. It's a shame, and that may sound silly, but the only time I ever saw them was... no, I never did. I only saw the video camera that was aimed at the drive-way and the door, and the blinds that were always closed. I miss them.
Now, there's a young bogan couple. The girl owns a black ute, with a fluro pink sticker on the back windscreen. The guy has a mullet and wears footy-shorts. I can see a few blog posts springing from this.

I miss the drug barron already.

Living(?) in suburbia

2009-10-08T18:03:00.003+11:00

At 7:30am the lawn mowers start. At first, you get excited, because legally, people can't make that much noise that early... but it's technically on land owned by the city, so it's okay.

Who am I? I'm the person living in suburbia that doesn't quite belong. The houses look the same. The parents take their kids to school in their four-wheel-drives, the mums walk together, taking their dogs who shit on my overgrown lawn, because I refuse to mow it when it's less than 5cms high. On Saturday morning, I may have yelled "get a fucking life" out the window when I heard the chorus of lawn mowers. How am I supposed to have a life when the mowers are chorusing through the neighbourhood?

Is it possible to get kicked out of a neighbourhood for rebelling?

I didn't kill the cat.

2009-09-30T22:28:00.003+10:00

Why do some people make me so curious... i get so attracted to them, not in a sexual way, more like i'm a little bug flying towards a flame, finding the warmth, stunned by the light. How can some live in the world and not know what I mean? What's a life without curiosity?
When I was little, I hated riddles. As soon as people asked me a question that I didn't know the answer to, I would feel so frustrated that I would feel physically sore; my stomach would cramp up and I would get a headache. It wasn't that I didn't want to hear the riddle, it's just that I wanted...needed to know the answer.
Rigth now, i'm watching one of those TV murder shows. I accidently started watching it, and now I need to know which one killed those people... I don't want to know, but I feel I have to. Crazy, I know.

Oh crap, it's to be continued. I hate that.

On a positive note, did I mention my car?? :)

what should I name it?

2009-09-30T22:18:00.000+10:00

Isn't it pretty?

Hilary is two thirds of the way to snapping.

2009-09-23T13:55:00.002+10:00

You know what i'm over? I'm over this year. Too much work. Too much that I have to do. Too much I should have done already. I'm sick of being sick. I'm sick of wanting things I don't have, but most of all, I'm just sick of everything being so hard.

If one more person uses the phrase "welcome to the real world", I will not be a happy little vegemite.

I need a teaching job for next year, but how am I meant to spend the time I need to apply for it when I have so much bloody work to do? This is meant to be the holidays. Instead of having fun, i'm doing stupid assignments at uni.

I hate this.

no love for the OTHER hilary or cookie monster.

2009-09-14T13:57:00.006+10:00

Hahaha
Cookie are NOT a sometimes food. I agree, CM. x

non sexual quickie

2009-09-14T13:02:00.004+10:00

This may sound silly, but tomorrow i've been with my boy for a year, and i've never had that before. I've been in other relationships, but i've usually freaked out and dumped them by now. Stupid, I know; but then, maybe they just weren't the right sort of person for me.

So yes, I've been very slack of writing here lately. Uni has been a bit nuts workload wise, then there's been my car troubles (still waiting for my new car... might be a bit of a wait), and general health issues. Excuses, excuses, I know.

Anyway, hope everyone's smiling out there.x

the truth about chaps and snogs

2009-09-02T22:10:00.003+10:00

He told me about how he had kissed his friends sister, and while explaining the snog, he motioned a stabbing movement with his fingers, and said, "you know, like a cobra."

I remember kissing boys (and i reiterate b-o-y-s) who were terrible kissers. There was the stabber (as mentioned), the sloberer, or even worse, the eat-your-entire-head-snog; the pecker (not inferring to any male wobbly bits, rather that they peck, much like a starved bird),the washing machine, the stroker, the biter...

No wonder so many people don't want to get themselves out there when there are so many mouthal-cavity-threats! (Pretty sure I just made up a word)...meh.

My housemate tells me that she likes o try to teach them how to kiss if they can't, after all, they're not a lost cause while they can learn... but there are a lot of old dogs out there, and once you've learned to ride a bike a certain way, can you really try to pedal backwards?? I wonder how easy it is to change your kissing style? Could they really learn the skills from one drunken club conversation?

I think, the truth is, the type of snog reflects the type of guy. If he's a washing machine artist, for example (tongue goes round-and-round-and...), they, I believe are more likely to be unoriginal and repetitive. If that's so... I wonder what my kissing style is? Hrm...

bird brain

2009-09-01T14:37:00.002+10:00

My friend (let's call her Pela) came to uni today with a dirty big off-white stain on her top. We all thought we knew what it was. It was actually toothpaste, but at least it gave me a distracting giggle.

Really funny/lame website: http://www.dadsbadjokes.com/

I think my boyfriend has given me pigeon-poo-itis... or "Histoplasmosis"... someone at work last night said they think i have swine flu, but i think it's this instead. Oh no, i'm starting to sound like a hypochondriac... but i promise, i am sick... with something. Hrm...

Maybe I should stop kissing him? .....Nah.

New car o'clock was yesterday

2009-08-25T19:13:00.001+10:00

My car is currently dead on Main Road in Ballarat. If you drive past it, flip it the bird for me. Grr.

New Car O'Clock.

2009-08-24T13:34:00.003+10:00

I locked my keys in my car... again.

Last time this happened, it took me about half an hour to figure out how to get into it. (Crawl through a miniture window at the back.)
Since going to the car place to get my who-si-whats-it fixed, I've now discovered that they fixed (or closed properly) the back windows, making the window entrance much less accessible.
So, how long did it take to break into my car? About 50 seconds.

Step 1: Approach the closest tradey looking guy.

Step 2: Get tradey guys spanner.

Step 3: Undo bolts on the tire on the back of my car.

Step 4: climb into my car, get keys and drive off.

Freaky, hey?

My dream:

2009-08-23T00:14:00.000+10:00

I was a psychologist, apparently quite well known in the right circles, and i was in front of a huge crowd, standing behind a podium.

I announced to them, in my loud, official voice, that football was all a con. That the only reason people were obsessed with it was because:
*after their team wins and they sing the club song loudly, they don't get enough oxygen to their brains, which creates a subtle, temporary sense of euphoria due to the endorphins their bodies are releasing.
*that all the club colours were aimed at different personality types, for example, people who sub-consciously loved the ocean were attracted to the colour blue, so they would go for the bulldogs, or whatever...
*that all advertising connected with football had some sort of altruistic effect on viewers. E.G - beer ads.
*and i kept talking in my dream... but i can't remember what i said.

I think I would be the most unpopular person in Australia if I actually said these things...

Shitballscrap.

2009-08-22T23:54:00.000+10:00

I had it all worked out.

I was going to start work, have yet another shit night, and realise "you know what, this isn't worth it", and politely quit. I was going to leave work, and find something more teacher-y.

But it was a good night.

The staff and boss/owner were friendly and happy, so were the customers.

People smiled, laughed and even whistled.

Gosh, people don't whistle often enough these days... I know it's generally out of tune, but who cares? It shows a part of the human that connects with a higher concept (music and happiness in this case)...

Point is, I had it worked out, and now I'm staying again.

Vampires / death = cool?

2009-08-20T13:58:00.000+10:00

A long time ago there was An Interview with a Vampire. Now that was cool. It showed the mythical vampire as something to be feared, something to remain mysterious because of that fear. Then cartoons starting coming in about them.

Twilight came along for all the teenage girls to chant "I love Edward" and groan about how they want to have a vampire boyfriend. Then True Blood, not to mention all the mod-movies that have them slotted in - Van Helsing, Underworld, etc. Basically, anything with Kath Beckingsale... or however you spell it.

Why the fascination with things that kill? When the plague was running wild, there was a fascination with le macabre - portraits were drawn with skeletons, dancers danced with the dead, songs were invented warning people of the consequences of sinning, the grim reaper was born...

are we coming into a new stage of morbid fascination?

On heart-rates:

2009-08-20T08:32:00.000+10:00

So, i'm not sure who of you i've told, but I have this weird chest pain thing called costochondritis, (I think that's how you spell it)... anyway, last night I had a huge bout of it. It lasted for hours, and it felt like my chest was slowly ripping apart.

Maybe no skydiving for at least a few more weeks. Maybe not much of everything else as well.

Luckily Lepa was there!

Did you know that the samedi drink is based on this voodoo god? Creepy, hey?

2009-08-17T14:38:00.000+10:00

Right, so I'm going to write William James style. If I were a tree I'd be a Japanese Maple tree. If I were an animal I would be a hummingbird. If I were a food, I would be turkish bread, dips and champagne. If I were an alcoholic drink I would be apricot beer. If I were a song I'd be Take On Me by Reel Big Fish. If I were an instrument, I would be a baby grand piano. If I could explain how i'd feel like it'd be 'Easy' by Faith No More. If I were a place, I would be Connecticut. If I were a car I would be an old Mustang that keeps breaking down.

Man, i'm bored.

Have you ever seen a person and thought that they look like an animal? I saw a person in the middle of Charlton, I saw a person who looked like a chipmunk. Is that insulting? Should you not say things like that? It's not as if they'll ever know... but a good person wouldn't even write things like that, would they?

I'll put it on my list of things not to write on this blog. (Believe it or not, it's a long list... mentally.)

Pick the logo brand name...

2009-08-17T14:35:00.000+10:00

I have an hour until the end of school... this is something I did with the year 8's that they liked...

yawn

2009-08-17T13:53:00.000+10:00

It's 1:59pm, on a Monday. Will and Lepa are sitting next to me, doing work, or at least looking like they're doing work. The funny thing about that is sometimes it takes more effort to look like you're doing work than doing some trivial piece of marking. Red pen. Score out of Ten. Next.

I think I need a nap. Or maybe I just need something to a.c.t.u.a.l.l.y h.a.p.p.e.n.

zzzzzzz.

small town kinda slow

2009-08-13T08:39:00.000+10:00

It's the morning in Charlton. The farmers have been up for hours, doing whatever a farmer needs to get done.

Everybody is now out of bed, but moving with the sluggish style of a sloth; myself included. My brain power and my enthusiasm seems to have seeped out of my ear as I slept last night on my side, shifting between too hot and too cold.

Where is my enthusiasm now?

I asked to be here.

I'm not unhappy to be here, it's just that I left my enthusiasm between my pillows, that smell slightly of mint.

brief serious note:

2009-08-10T22:19:00.000+10:00

I almost had a serious car accident on the way to teaching rounds yesterday. It was dark, and I hit a kangaroo. I didn't even see it for a second before i hit it. I slammed on the brakes. It spun me around. I didn't swerve, but the car swerved anyway. It was a big kangaroo. The car, with me inside it landed in a ditch. If there had been a tree there... or a post... or another car... or...
There was a dead joey in the pouch too... kind of symbolic considering i call my car joey...

i'm getting a new car.

Sore thumb to me, invisible thumb to them?

2009-08-05T21:16:00.000+10:00

One thing i've noticed since being in this town is... well, i'll tell you the incidents and you tell me what you notice.

*A kid's doing a presentation on Cocaine, mentions that generally lower socio-economic people do it, but mainly black people. Nobody in the class (inlcuding the teachers corrects him.)

*Max (from former blog post) starts ranting about the "fuckin'japs" and goes on to say he's not racist... just dóesn't like them because they killed people without a reason.

*The Age newspaper (the economics section) does an article explaining the "GFC" (global financial crisis) in a nutshell. Explains that there were several reason for it occuring, but mainly, "it was the blacks and the hispanics in the US".

What happened to Hilary Monday night in a small town:

2009-08-05T20:58:00.000+10:00

a) she went to bed early... she was a tired little chicken
b) she talked to her teaching counterparts for a bit, then retired to bed and some teaching related readings.
or c) she went down to the bar with her friend and met a lady from Poland (who is a psychic) who talked about Russians raping the Germans and an SS guy who hated her and the man called Max who is majorly stereotypically australian who bought her here as a cleaning lady and then she stayed for 20 years as what he considers a fuck buddy, and what she considers an asshole, who she loves.

ABD's

2009-08-02T22:11:00.000+10:00

I'm on teaching rounds in a very small town that seems to be filled to the brim with stereotypes... then, i realised I was probably their out-of-towner stereotype, so i sat in the bar (beneath where i'm staying) and had a beer with the locals. Not very female-teachery of me, i know. Ahwell, there are worse teaching sins.
One person in my course actually went into his rounds and told the kids that it didn't really matter what he taught them anyway, because they were only probably going to remember 5% of high school anyway, told his mentor teacher that he thought she was a bad teacher and ... as you can probably guess, wasn't offered a job.
In the end though, it can't be that hard to be a teacher and stay out of trouble... right??

No more beers, I promise.

niwrad

2009-07-31T22:21:00.000+10:00

So I know we came from apes, but do you ever get the feeling that some people haven't taken quite as many evolutionary steps? I met a person today who seriously reminded me of a neanderthral. Racist, stubborn, ugly, kind of had that drooly lip thing going on... and, now that i think of it, I wouldn't put it past him to have thrown some poo at some stage in his life.

*sigh* But who am I to judge? It's not like i'm smart enough to come up with theories based on fruit hitting me in the head... or poo for that matter.

I'm getting over getting fucked over.

2009-07-28T09:31:00.001+10:00

Yes kids, I swore. Naughty future teacher. Perhaps grumpy Hilary needs to appear to sort this mess of a situation out? My uni group isn't here, even though they're meant to be. In my other uni group, half the group has quit the course, the other half is me and another guy who don't seem to be on the same page. The person who was organising my placement, didn't. The same person who was organising my accomodation for my placement, didn't. The teacher who is meant to call me back, hasn't. My world is frozen until something happens. I think i'll go tell my lecturer that she's not doing what she told me she would do? Wise? Maybe not. But at leat I won't be frozen.

rant

2009-07-25T10:38:00.000+10:00

I was going to get rid of my car and buy a motorbike; i now think that may be a silly idea in a place where it seems to constantly rain. So i'm buying a new car. And I mean **NEW**.

... the motorbike can come next year.

This week has been much happier than the last month. Perhaps I need the structure of university and routine to make me happy? I always imagined I'd love being my own boss, but I don't know if I could at this stage of my life. Not that that'll be an issue any time soon.

Still, life is okay at the moment. *knock wood*.

going to write something good, cos i've been a negative nancy here lately... erm...

2009-07-21T14:33:00.000+10:00

http://awesomefacts.net/

when it rains, it hails.

2009-07-19T08:19:00.000+10:00

I long time ago, I heard (I think it was on Oprah) that your house, more specifically your bedroom, reflects your state of mind. Neat and organised means you have things sorted, messy means you're having trouble with something.

What does it mean when the blinds won't go up, there's carpet missing and it's constantly 1 degree celcius in there?

Maybe that's why I was crying yesterday. Either that, or I just felt like having a pity party for one.

luck, fate or us?

2009-07-10T16:17:00.000+10:00

This week started horribly. Other than my tyres getting slashed, hearing what I thought were gunshots, listening to one of my friends whinge all week, the worst assignment ever, fighting with a family member, etc...then I decided that my luck might just be down this week. Or perhaps I was meant to have a bad week, so I can have a better week next week? Or, am I just changing my luck by leaving what I assumed to be the scene of the bad luck crime, and having a break from life??
Hm. I went to the doctors not long ago. He (the doctor who looked far too much like a stereotypical doctor, which worries me a little) said that I have a higher blood pressure level than usual, and that I'm stressing too much about things, and that I need to relax. Well duh. I know I need to relax... but how do you relax when you don't know how to? Even when I'm in a bath i'm thinking too much; infact I'm probably stressing a little more because I'm worrying about drowning... Soooo... long story short, I came to Echuca to try to relax, and I got sick, so I had to stay on the couch for three days solid, only worrying about how many tissue boxes I need and about liquids. If I hadn't got sick, I wouldn't have been sitting around doing nothing, and I wouldn't feel this relaxed now. Fate that I got sick and forced me to relax? Hm.

how to make hilary cold and pissed off by 5am:

2009-07-03T05:48:00.000+10:00

step 1: get her up at 4am.
step 2: make her drive and realise for herself that a westie slashed her tire
step 3: make her change her tire
step 4: make her go home and realise she's pretty sure she's ruined her favourite jumper, got frost bite in her cold and now wet feet, and don't let her get back to sleep and forget the whole thing.

Fucking westies.

where the stars came from in my world.

2009-07-01T22:35:00.000+10:00

I remember when I was little, I had heard a whole heap of aborinal stories about how the land got created... but there was never many stories about the sky. So I made up a story about how the stars were made. How, every once in a while, a curious fire-fly is born. When that happens, those curious little fireflies always look up at the moon, and wonder how far away that beautiful light is. They spend so long looking up at the moon that they fall in love with it. So, when they get older, and they haven't found another fire fly on earth to fall in love with, and they think they will die soon, they decide to try to fly the distance to be with the moon. They fly and fly and some of them die, and some of them just keep flying. The ones that are flying are the stars in the sky, flying to be with teh one they love; the ones who die, fall, and people on earth think they're beautiful things to wish on. And perhaps they are.

2009-06-30T14:58:00.000+10:00

im texting this from my phone. Been waiting in this room for 3hours. Seen someone with swine flu, with a fish hook, with kids, mums, adulterers... I feel like life and deaths descriptors may be in this room. ...i need another book. Or a pen? Or a bloody doctor. I wonder if there are any here.

"Why is my brain different?"

2009-06-29T14:13:00.000+10:00

...a little girl asked me that last week. I didn't know what to say. So I told her:

"everybody has a different brain to everyone else. No brain is exactly like another one, not only because they don't grow the same, but also because nobody sees the world exactly the way you do. Nobody lives your life for you, and nobody has all of the memories you have. That makes your brain special."

I don't think she'd ever been told that. I guess people don't tell intellectually disabled girls the same things they tell the others. She liked me for the rest of the time I was there, and told everyone else to "go talk a long walk off a short bridge". I'm thinking she meant a pier? Or perhaps a cliff? hm...

:(

2009-06-26T19:04:00.001+10:00

Why is everyone so hell-bent on teasing Michael Jackson, even after he’s died? Sure, he had dodgy moments, but so did Ben Cousin’s and everyone wants to suck up to his drugo-ass again. Plus, “Wacko Jacko” wasn’t to blame for half of the things people tease him about. He didn’t want to be white. He had the same skin condition my dad has. It makes your pigments go away in patches. My dad can deal with it, because it’s not very noticeable on a white-guy; that said dad has to wear sunscreen by the slabs, hats outdoors all the time and has taken to wearing gloves to cover his hands, where the skin disease often shows itself first. Michael Jackson, being in the public eye tried to get all of the pigment in his skin changed so that it wouldn’t be obvious to his fans. This only got him teased for singing “it doesn’t matter if you’re black or white”. Do you really think someone who would sing that song would be racist?
The way I found out this morning was by receiving a text message saying “Michael Jackson left it in his will that he wants to be melted down and turned into a playstation so all the little kids will still play with him.” I thought that text was a bit random. Then I heard two other bad-taste jokes about him, and I figured out something was up. I asked my sister who told me. I’m a fan of his music, not necessarily of his parenting skills or what he did in his private-life...but it was his music that mattered.
But all of this doesn’t really matter. I just can’t believe that people are being so disrespectful the very day that they die. Why don’t they just piss on his grave and really make their point? I sometimes wish I wasn’t human, because I don’t want to have anything to do with these hypocritical creeps.

my ribidigijeridoo's and don'ts

2009-06-25T16:35:00.000+10:00

do: make up words, even if it's while singing a song you don't know the lyrics to
don't: fart and blame it on somebody else
do: funnel your excess cretivity by doing an interpretive dance
don't: do it in public
do: speak with an accent if you think you can get away with it
don't: do it to someone with who comes from the origin of the accent
do: go on dates with the people you live with
don't kiss them if they have partners already
do: read this
don't: pay any attention to it

What should you do if you're feeling scared and overwhelmed

2009-06-15T16:32:00.000+10:00

No really, tell me.

How to get over being pissed off:

2009-06-09T11:26:00.000+10:00

1. make sure you're not being stupidly stubborn and unreasonable
2. address the person you have an issue with to make them aware
3. talk about that situation
4. cry
5. figure out how you're going to change so the issue doesn't reoccur
6. pack on the make-up to make sure you don't look like you've cried
7. go back to the person and reaffirm issue is resolved
8. eat cake

Rob!!

2009-06-07T12:24:00.001+10:00

i won an argument against shaun!! and it wasn't even a certain thing. it was 'which came first, the chicken or the egg?' !!!

2009-06-06T11:23:00.000+10:00

i'm broke again. I have $3 to last me until Wednesday.... too many bills... too much petrol needed... too many expenses, 5 + 5 + 5 + 5.... somehow adds up to 50. wtf.

i hate being poor. it makes me cry.

housies, boys and vanity

2009-06-04T21:39:00.000+10:00

My housemates have dating fever. I'm the only non-available housemate, and they're going on more dates than I am! But that said, I'm quite happy that i'm in the position i'm in... Dating sounds hard. Plus, there are off-peak times in dating. In a relationship, they're always there. Well, at least in a good relationship... I think. Well, I guess it depends on the couple, I guess.

That said, i'm finding it's pretty entertaining watching my housies, how they get the dates, the event, but more importantly the post-mortem talks are hilarious.

Also, I'm so shocked about how vain people are at the moment. For example, a certain employer (not mine) said to a close friend that they only employ attractive people because they give people something to look at. Like ugly people aren't something to look at??! Err, that came out wrong, but you know what I mean. People are so rude these days.

Oh god, I said "these days"... old fart, aren't I?

circular thinking

2009-06-04T21:31:00.000+10:00

I wonder if you can fall so behind of life that you end up living in a past life?

i hope it's something good...

i'm thinking the life of an eagle, an owl or an earth worm could be pretty cool...

a blog post with faustian consequences

2009-06-01T18:41:00.000+10:00

Is it snobby to make references that some people don't understand? Intertextualising (including other texts in a text) is what all the "cool" TV shows do... The Simpsons, Scrubs, Southpark... so why then should it be different for literature? Shouls it be? I think there were about 4 people in my class who knew who/ what Faust was. Isn't that a travisty? ...or, is it just me?

Love, a potential snob.

2009-05-25T16:51:00.000+10:00

im in a car with a dead battery in the middle of nowhere. The forces that be do not like ppl being too happy.

Dear Hilary,

2009-05-24T20:19:00.000+10:00

My latest epiphanies have been like a blade. They’re solid, something to be trusted, but I know could cut myself open with them if I’m not careful.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a writer. Sure, I never told the careers counsellor that at school, because only lonely hopefuls want to be writers, and hardly any of them ever achieve that elusive novel that is locked away in their brains, somewhere behind a synapse and a cauliflower looking object.

I’m now almost certain that I will never be a writer. Not in the sense that I used to dream of anyway. A lot of things have changed since I was a girl. I used to dream of travelling the world, one country at a time. Breathing in the spices of India, touching the dirt of Argentina, tasting the slightly off-the-mark flavours that have names I would never comprehend... but I don’t dream that anymore.

I’m not sure if it was because of the experiences I had in the northern states of America and Canada... but that may be part of it. I think I just realise that I’ve changed.

It’s not a bad thing. I know things now that I couldn’t have when I was a girl.
Just because you see an entire dark, glistening mud cake with strawberries on top, doesn’t mean you have to eat the entire thing.

I can travel occasionally. I don’t have to do it all the time, and I don’t need to go everywhere. I can write my own style, but I don’t need to be published, and I don’t need to make it my entire career. And I think that being a little more like everyone else, won’t necessarily be the scariest thing in the world... even if that means that people don’t think I’m the unique, curious little thing anymore.

I don’t need the dreams I had when I was a little girl, because I’m a "big girl" now, and I can walk the road less travelled in a way that means I don't have to see the destination, and that, just like Frost wrote, won’t be such a bad thing.

on lasagne and feeling hot hot cold

2009-05-22T20:15:00.000+10:00

I did my last day of my rounds (had to make up a day because i'd been sick in the first week) and i got my marks back from my mentor teaching. High Distinction's are soooo good. It's like a piece of lasagne for breakfast - old enough so the flavour melts all the way through, young enough so there's no dodgy soggy bits. I tell you what though... i've learned more about deserts than I want to. Did you know elephants live in the desert? I do. They eat the roots of plants to get water.

odd.

*does the very happy dance* Everything is so good at the moment. God I love life. Even if it does make me sleepy.

Question: how should we stop people dying in bushfires? Be creative.

2009-05-20T23:03:00.000+10:00

Answer: stop people have sex.

Black hat: Question: What are the problems with this?

Answer: Big angry (and horny) mob, coming to get me.

Yellow hat: Question: What are the positives about this?

Answer: ...err... less STD's.

(my uni work)

this night is

2009-05-20T21:49:00.000+10:00

velvet, depth and warmth. In the distance there's the noise of traffic; so many seperate noises, seperate people going from one place to another that the sound becomes like a million droplets of water that make up a river, humming as it grazes it's belly along the riverbed. This night feels dark, but safe. This night. My night.

uno, duo, tre un molto molto more.

2009-05-18T20:06:00.000+10:00

you learn something new everyday. Horse-shit. You are constantly learning. Today for example, I learnt that my body is smaller than my mind believes it to be. I locked my keys in my car, looked at the tiny back window that slides accross and thought "there is no way in hell you can squish your bluber-butt body through that space." After trying several other avenues with no success, i realised attempting squish-fest 2009 was my only option. It was very easy. One leg, the other and whoop, i'm through. Strange. Did you know the french revolution was one of the main reasons artists changed from being valued members of society to slight outcasts, apart from in Ireland of course. Did you know Mozarts middle nam was Amedaus? Did you know my housemate had wind last week? Err... you probably didn't need to know that last one, but you get my point I hope.... right??

tear

2009-05-14T11:43:00.000+10:00

It's my second last day of teaching at this school, and I think i'm really going to miss it. I'm typing this from my desk, with the weird little poster I put up the first day that says "don't put strange things in your ears"and it has a picture of a man trying to put fish in his ears. This is the place I found out I really want to do this. It's weird, that sensation, I haven't felt it much (career wise) in my life.

hey bry, hey bry, guess what??

2009-05-07T17:34:00.001+10:00

i'm teaching people how to write poetry!!!

pity i was never too flash at it myself. Gave it a go though, hey??

behind secret doors

2009-05-03T22:05:00.000+10:00

Staff rooms have always been a thing of mystery to me. As a kid, it was always the no-go-adult-only-area. Now, I have a desk inside a staff room. Staff Room 1 to be exact. (Where all the cool people are, i'm assured.) And it's exactly how I imagined it.

Also, university, as usual has not prepared me in the slightest for this school experience. Somewhere between intense, relaxing and insane is where you'll find my state of mind these days. I read an article in the Age that said Melbourne Uni are doing a different kind of dip ed course where they're actually teaching their students in a hands on kind of way. Now that's what I want. (and no, i don't mean that in a dirty way... you naughty little munchkin for thinking that!!)

Man, I can't wait to have a holiday... or even just a beer and a hug.

love, from under the rock.

2009-04-25T13:10:00.000+10:00

So i realise i've been a touch of a net recluse these days. And Rob, it's not because i've been happy lately, though I have. It's all a matter of keeping up with the jones'. I am a technology zero. This is a big problem. As a future teacher apparently i'm meant to be up to date with teaching using smartboards and you tube and i-pod's and all that crud. Me actually getting this very expensive little usb thingamabob is my first step. I had an ipod shuffle, but that was insanely useless. I think i'll have to buy a proper ipod when i get my bond back from this house.

Oh yes! News:

i'm moving in a week. (same city, different location), potentially a walk-in-wardrobe and ensuite, but we'll have to see. The reason I may be getting the extra bathroom and fancy wardrobe is because I absolutely hate the house we're moving into. It's in one of those new estate area's. it's new and has no personality what so ever. The only cool thing about it is that it's built where the mental hospital used to be.
My sister is moving in with us. She also got a job, and though this may sound like i've got tickets on myself, i don't think she would have done it without me. She can accomplish amazing things, but she always needs a bit of a shove in the right direction.
I'm going on my first teaching rounds from this monday. On tuesday, we're going to the zoo! yay! Melbourne zoo is easily the best zoo i've been to (including the world famous san diego zoo. meh. that wasn't that brilliant if you ask me...)

i'll write the full version of the irish joe story and post it here. i honestly don't mind who reads it... but i have to write my english essay first, or else all hell (including the multiple-headed-dog) will get out.

good to be back,
love, from under the rock.xox

the entry i have to write:

2009-04-21T16:16:00.000+10:00

Imagine this:

you're female. your boyfriend is meeting your father for the first time. you're in a restaurant. you see over your father's shoulder the (possibly) worst person in the world (an ex). your father makes jokes about being gay with said ex... not knowing that he's an ex. ex smiles at your family, still trying to be the nice guy. awkward. boyfriend = clueless.

yeah.

groans

2009-04-13T20:16:00.000+10:00

no more than one person at a time should use a computer. Seriously. It's a health hazard.

2009-04-13T12:18:00.000+10:00

whoever suggested we celebrate birthdays instead of worrying about them must be a very clever person.

2009-03-15T02:51:00.000+11:00

it's 2.52am. Apparently love is a double-edged sword. I'm happy, i want to be the best version of myself, but i'm now worried beyond belief, and dare i admit...jealous? Jesus. Fuck. Shit. ...i used to be such a good catholic school girl. I never knew hate until i knew love.

.

2009-02-08T22:37:00.000+11:00

The state of victoria is burning. The news-readers are holding back tears as they talk about people they know being found in charcoal houses. I already gave blood this week. They need more. Everywhere is burning apart from here. I feel horrible.

snail score:

2009-02-03T14:59:00.000+11:00

i'm going to buy an electronic organ tonight for $30. my boyfriend's band is now on the triple j metal charts for their song 'ego'. i'm going to buy milk tonight. i also bought a new writing book.

gotta love baby steps to bigger things.

a giant fake penis sprayed jizz on us

2009-01-23T15:03:00.000+11:00

...in the rocky horror show. It was pretty funny. It takes a moment like that (with transvestites frolicking around you, a daiquiri in a flashing glass and a random bald guy near you dunking babies in his cup) to make you realize that I should really do things like this more often. I used to have the motto :life is meant to be enjoyed, not endured"... I should really start living like that more often. So... bring on the tranny's. (In a metaphorical way)

new pretty leaf

2009-01-20T16:01:00.000+11:00

I have finally become acclimatised to Ballarat, and what does it do? It goes and turns into Florida. I can’t stand this heat. You swallow a mouthful of water, you feel it bloat up your stomach, and then your tongue starts to become a dried up piece of nanna skin and you need to repeat the bloaty process. I’m trying to ignore this though. (I said "Trying".) I bought a Barbie keyboard this morning. It’s small and pink and it’s my new favourite plaything. (As well as Mickey 2 sugars.) The reason for this is because I can obviously not afford to buy the very sexy baby grand I’m drooling over in my dreams, and also because last night I could not sleep because I had a song on replay in my head. It was beautiful, and I had never heard it before. But it kept playing over and over again, and somehow I knew that if I played it just once on a piano my head would fall into my wonderfully soft pillow and I would be completely happy. There is another reason why I thought this. I saw a late movie with a friend (seven pounds), which made me want to embrace life. As soon as I got home, I knew the introduction to my book, and I also knew the title. I just Knew. It’s called “the cabbage moth.” It’s going to be aimed at the young adult area; it’s going to tackle racism, hate, love, alcohol and a few other subjects. Or at least that’s what’s in my head at the moment. Oh, yeah, oops, I went off in another tangent. (What’s new?) So, after writing this, I knew that I would sleep fantastically like a brick because last night, for the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel like a failure. I felt like the person I want to be all the time. And then, this morning, there were literally something close to a hundred cabbage moths in my street. It’s a sign that this is what I’m meant to write. Oh! And another sign was that the two posters in front of my writing desk fell down, and as soon as I’d written the introduction, I knew that that’s where my book is meant to go as I’m writing it. Blu-tacked to my wall. I feel good. I feel inspired. I feel loved and warmth and complex understanding and contentment… even though I’m at work and there’s no air-conditioner. Everything is good.

brazil may have to wait

2009-01-14T16:03:00.000+11:00

I got into uni...again.

i'm going to become a vce lit teacher.

new year mourning (on purpose)

2009-01-09T15:59:00.000+11:00

I woke up mostly naked with a half eaten hamburger, my phone yelling at me that it was being ignored. After reading umpteenth happy new years messages I read the "nice picture on the front of the paper, don't worry about coming into work, it's quiet" message from my boss. Firstly, i love him for not making me come in. Secondly WHOOPS. There's no way I can fake being not hungover at work with evidence like that against me, even though I was pretty well behaved. I was in bed by 1:30!
Have you ever wondered how many people actually register your face on a day to day basis? The answer is "a lot". So many people that I know and Don't have been saying "nice picture in the paper", or "good to see someone had a good night!", etc. The picture wasn't even that good. I had a double chin and a definite- i'm getting drunk - look about me.
So anyway, I've decided all my past travel ideas. I know where I'm meant to go. I've always known. Brazil. I'm going to fly to florida, go from there to cuba, to brazil, etc. Brazil and I have always had a love love relationship even though i've never even been there. It's always been magically mysterious to me. I need to go.
Also, i'm finishing up one of my jobs in a month. That means more writing and more smiles. I miss writing. I have so many ideas at the moment.

err...

2008-12-21T15:14:00.000+11:00

Sorry about that last post, I was writing it on my mobile from a cafe, it seemed (much like everything else I do) like a good idea at the time.

spacemen can't burp

2008-12-21T00:07:00.000+11:00

i have decided sunflowers are my favourite flower because they make everyone smile. People disect the mundane and don't talk enough about the good stuff. I used to be afraid of death, now, bicycles freak me out. People don't get wiser as they get older, just wrinklyer.

non super mental girl

2008-12-09T21:37:00.000+11:00

i'm pretty sure a person with tourettes lives in my head. She yells "racist" where no one but me can hear her when someone asks for a white hot chocolate instead of a brown one. Uh oh. :p

goo on goo.

2008-11-24T15:12:00.000+11:00

I wish i could can this feeling, and open it up when i'm feeling...less. warmth and soft smiles. it's great.

on another note: eating nothing but salad in order to drop weight is a really stupid idea. in the end, all you have is a few less kg's and a huge desire to eat condensed milk from the tube. ohhhh no....

shit and putting it off.

2008-11-06T20:18:00.000+11:00

I have to write a mini essay to apply for university, talking about myself. I hate these kinds of essays. I always feel like i'm becoming the worst part of society when i do this... you know the kind of people, the ones who say about all the humble things they've done, just so everyone knows exactly how great they are. If you were truly humble, you wouldn't tell people how humble you are, would you?
I know everyone needs a little TLC from someone, but not necessarily from strangers... right??

uh. what am i going to say. "hey people i don't know, like me because i'm not a complete psychopath, though I have an understanding of the psychopaths of the world, which i guess means i have some pscho tendencies, because you have to be something in order to truly know it, right?"

did you know where the term "shit" came from? It was because they used to ship manure by boats, but because fertilliser is so dangerous (as in can make things explode - because of the methane gas) it started blowing things up. They realised they had to store it higher up. thus why "whip high in transport", or shit, came about.

socks & morbidity

2008-11-04T16:59:00.000+11:00

Have you ever noticed how beautiful ugly things can be? Sounds a tad odd, but i've been noticing the horrid and odd lately, and how creatively wonderful they are. A dead moth caught in a tattered wed, blowing in the breeze, the remnants of a snails escape from one side of the path to the other (maybe he thought the grass was greener on the other side?), the interesting way that something gross smelling can be oddly similar to something your brain would consider smelling delicious...

i'm at work. I've been having in depth conversations with random people for the last few hours. They get a coffee, and end up drinking it, sitting on the edge of their chair, enthusiastically interupting me when they agree or disagree... music, politics, love, the burden of hate... they don't really care what you talk about, as long as they know you want to hear what they say, that you actually listen... that you hear.

I just need to bing up taxes in a creative way and i will feel like the aussie version of dr phil... but less bald.

My boyfriend's going bald. I love it. He's so sexy.

"i did it again." (minus singing)

2008-10-31T15:23:00.000+11:00

I just realised i've changed again, but the process was so subtle, I missed it! Damn my body, mind and life, it's so cheeky. I think the only way to drastically change your life is in one big mind-altering swoop, like winning the lotto, being born or dying. Or, i could be completely full of shit.
There's a girl that I used to go to school with who I was once friends with. Some time during year 12, I realised this person was a very nasty person. Manipulative, cruel and generally someone that you wouldn't want to mess with. I'm not sure if I was friends with her because of the 'better to be the right hand of the devil than in his path' sort of deal, or if I thought a decent person lingered under there somewhere. I'm still sure that there must be a decent person in there a little... maybe? Anyway, lately I've been having all kind of weird dreams about her. I wonder why.
I really hope she has changed. Otherwise, hitler may possibly have been reincarnated.

Did you know that five out of three people have trouble with fractions?

2008-10-31T15:11:00.000+11:00

Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he
made a Boo-Boo.

When is a car not a car? When it turns into a driveway.

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. What do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes? Still no idea.

What's long, yellow and fruity? An apple in disguise.

Why don't anteaters get sick? Because they're full of anty-bodies!

((oh the horror.))

airy fairy stuff.

2008-10-28T17:17:00.000+11:00

Aparently people of my kind (a very specific kind of airies) always change their moods when there's a full moon, so perhaps that explains 2posts ago. Orrr... I should stop listening to people I don't know very well... or should i be open o them? hrmm...

why do i love lame jokes at the moment??

2008-10-28T17:11:00.000+11:00

why didn't the alien eat the clown?
he had a feeling he'd taste funny.

what's green and has wheels?
a frog. i lied about the wheels.

what did the lepper say to the prostitute?
"keep the tip."

smashing orange related objects.

2008-10-20T17:57:00.000+11:00

I got scared the other night. You know when you get a generally creepy feeling, and you know all the bad things are out to play? It was that sort of night. There was a full yellow moon, or at least it was very cleverly pretending to be a full moon, and all the crazy's believed it's act. People that looked like they would be normal kind of people during the day were drinking too much, rolling cars and torching them, and I really wish I was lying. It felt like something from a Isobelle Carmody book I read when I was a kid. In 'the gathering', normal teenagers turned feral and killed the protagonists very likable pet dog. I didn't like that book much.

full moon's gone now. or maybe it's the real one now...

grunge harvest trio (?)

2008-10-07T07:38:00.000+11:00

This morning when I woke up, it was still dark. Of course it was hard to get up, because the covers are the perfect warmth- 7 hours of my bodies work, used up for this moment, when I ask myself if it's really necessary for me to get up today. But it is. I get up, I walk to work, and I see the sun again.
At the front of my work, we have one of those quote boards. Because I opened, I had to write on it. I thought about writing star wars quotes, because, I am one of the biggest nerds I know (secretly), I thought about writing Busisms - always gets a laugh. Instead I wrote "we're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars". (Any ideas for future quotes?)
So now, i'm here, cuddling my coffee mug (featuring Batman because I am the reincarnation of a four year old who never got the chance to grow up.)

Where are you today?

secret capsicum messages:

2008-09-26T16:21:00.000+10:00

i've been sick all week. That said, i've probably achieved more this week than most.

also, i'm thinking of becoming a d.i.y girl. make a bookshelf or something useful like that. Any tips? I have tools already... and i'm not talking about my ex's either. *ba da shh* (that was my drum kit, just in case you didn't get that...)

it's springtime today. i'm wearing a skirt, and i feel like walking about barefoot on the grass.

2008-09-19T17:13:00.000+10:00

talked to a stranger about monotony, so did they. things didn't seem so monotonous after that. *smiles* going on a date on monday.

what a sunday should be.

2008-09-17T16:39:00.000+10:00

The empire of the evening has golden butterflies dissapearing between sunlight and shade of the aging oak; and smiles that never stop echoing, long after the people laying beneath her sturdy arms have gone home to deep beds and a warmth that starts in their chests and radiates out of their skin.

squished time.

2008-09-12T13:35:00.000+10:00

Lately, i've been working a lot. This means that i've had to fit the other aspects of my life into smaller amounts of time. The rest of my life seemed to decide to do this too. Last week, i almost fell in love. And for any of you who know me well, you'll know this doesn't happen very often, if at all. Then, a few days ago, i found out he was a bastard. I really should have figured it out myself. Instead, I found out from a good friend who told me that he'd been after her the entire week we'd spent together, and while he was saying sweet and beautiful things to me, he was thinking of saying them to her as well. Irish guys are, I now know, bad news. So now, i feel confused and happy and sad. Happy because I know it wasn't anything that I did wrong, and that, because I told him to go fuck himself, I feel slightly more like the indian otter. (The indian otter, because of it's numbers, has the ability to push 3meter crocodiles out of it's territory simply by making noises not disimilar to a squeky ball.)

I am the indian otter. Crocodiles be warned.

come to the realisation:

2008-09-09T22:27:00.000+10:00

that the reason i post negative stuff here is because when happy things are happening, i don't seem to feel the need to do anything else... where as, when things aren't so good... i'm here.
things were really good this week, but now, i'm posting. ups and downs, i guess.

lust does that.

mixed limbs

2008-09-02T19:02:00.000+10:00

so i'm pretty sure people are nuts in this place. One moment, you're talking to a guy about some famous peice of art that looks exactly like a pig mised with an elephant, the next, you're staring out the window of your work, watching an old lady standing in the rain, grinning from ear to ear. She later came into work and said that people who siad they were getting old aren;t actually "old", they're just "windswept and interesting". I want to be her when I grow up, even if she does get pneumonia from the rain. Rain doesn't kill people, spores that are in the dirt that the rain throws into the air kills people. I also had a guy lick my hand today. I have no idea what he was on, but i'm hoping he was at least on something... otherwise, i think i have a new and scary fan at work. (and that's not even the work where alcohol is involved.)
i've gone brain dead. i have no idea what i was going to say...
oh yeah, the weekend. Things were weird on the weekend. High's and low's - high's involving random fun, like dancing 80's style with a hundred other dorky people, figuring out the uni that i'm going to study at next year, and writing something i think is pretty cool, the bad bits, well, i don't want to talk about that. I can't seem to talk to anyone about the bad things these days. I'm not sure this is a bad thing. Maybe it makes me seem more happy because i'm not venting all the time? iono. Anyway, point is that, 80% of the weekend was good, and that a decent amount, right?
i miss traveling.

it's actually a nice day weather wise here.

2008-08-29T15:12:00.000+10:00

wow. pigs really do fly.

got my laptop.

2008-08-27T16:47:00.000+10:00

[insert joy here]