Tuesday, 18 July 2006
.
I fell asleep this afternoon.
I don't like sleeping at the moment. I keep having bad dreams, but this afternoon, I woke up crying. Some nightmares are okay. They're about the boogieman, so you know that when you wake up, they're gone. But this afternoon I dreamed of Beruit. I was a man carrying his dead father on his back, leaving everything else, so angry, upset and confused. Somewhere in the world, my dream is happening, and it scares the shit out of me.
Brad thinks like Jung concerning dreams, that they're our way of working out our issues. But I can't do anything about Beruit, and I don't want to stop watching the news and be totally naive of what's happening, and I can't figure out what spiders crawling out of my ears is supposed to signify, or vampires or any of my nightmares...
All the issues I have, I can't do anything about. They've already occured, and I can't do a thing about it now.
One of my best friends from high school had an abortion, and she wished that I was there, and I feel so guilty for not being there for her. I didn't know until today. She's already had the operation. And I know there's nothing i can do, but the feelings still remain.
Tomorrow brings a new day, and new thoughts, I hope.
I don't like sleeping at the moment. I keep having bad dreams, but this afternoon, I woke up crying. Some nightmares are okay. They're about the boogieman, so you know that when you wake up, they're gone. But this afternoon I dreamed of Beruit. I was a man carrying his dead father on his back, leaving everything else, so angry, upset and confused. Somewhere in the world, my dream is happening, and it scares the shit out of me.
Brad thinks like Jung concerning dreams, that they're our way of working out our issues. But I can't do anything about Beruit, and I don't want to stop watching the news and be totally naive of what's happening, and I can't figure out what spiders crawling out of my ears is supposed to signify, or vampires or any of my nightmares...
All the issues I have, I can't do anything about. They've already occured, and I can't do a thing about it now.
One of my best friends from high school had an abortion, and she wished that I was there, and I feel so guilty for not being there for her. I didn't know until today. She's already had the operation. And I know there's nothing i can do, but the feelings still remain.
Tomorrow brings a new day, and new thoughts, I hope.
# posted by Hil : Tuesday, July 18, 2006
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wow and whew - wow for this entry and for the last few. From the ones that made me laugh like the games and the woman wanted sign - (I am sending that to a few people so thanks) to the entries like this last and the others about signs and dreams/nightmares and ponderances.
I keep meaning to reply to your entries but when i go to think about a reply I either stare at the screen not sure what to say or start typing and realize I am typing a bunch of nonsense and nothing that will mean anything or sound anything more than silly and a waste of time, so i erase and do not comment (which I am tempted to do this time too, but I will leave it, for better or worse).
I am still not sure what to say yet on the topics of signs and dreams and the like (like is not the right word to use here but it suffices, such as using thing or interesting - a catch-all word)
But I did want to drop a comment so you know someone is listening, someone is around and sending virtual hugs (everyone needs hugs everyday, virtual not quite the same but maybe they can do in a pinch :-D) and hoping you begin to work things out, to make the roller coaster work (BTW I really liked that entry/analogy only because the words "Been there, done that, still doing that" popped up in my mind - I feel like my coaster is stuck a lot of the tiime and then it is either like way up or way down and while that is great for a ride, not sure that is healthy all the time for moods/feelings (various mental disorders pop into mind as my family has an unfortunate intimate relationship with many types...)
But again keep working, writing, thinking, hopefully laughing in there too and looking to find whatever it is you wish to, want to or, as is the case sometimes, neither wish nor want but need to.
doc
ps how is your nanna - I was very saddened to hear and hope all flows as best as possible with what ever happens. Again hugs for you and your family
I keep meaning to reply to your entries but when i go to think about a reply I either stare at the screen not sure what to say or start typing and realize I am typing a bunch of nonsense and nothing that will mean anything or sound anything more than silly and a waste of time, so i erase and do not comment (which I am tempted to do this time too, but I will leave it, for better or worse).
I am still not sure what to say yet on the topics of signs and dreams and the like (like is not the right word to use here but it suffices, such as using thing or interesting - a catch-all word)
But I did want to drop a comment so you know someone is listening, someone is around and sending virtual hugs (everyone needs hugs everyday, virtual not quite the same but maybe they can do in a pinch :-D) and hoping you begin to work things out, to make the roller coaster work (BTW I really liked that entry/analogy only because the words "Been there, done that, still doing that" popped up in my mind - I feel like my coaster is stuck a lot of the tiime and then it is either like way up or way down and while that is great for a ride, not sure that is healthy all the time for moods/feelings (various mental disorders pop into mind as my family has an unfortunate intimate relationship with many types...)
But again keep working, writing, thinking, hopefully laughing in there too and looking to find whatever it is you wish to, want to or, as is the case sometimes, neither wish nor want but need to.
doc
ps how is your nanna - I was very saddened to hear and hope all flows as best as possible with what ever happens. Again hugs for you and your family
oh doc, you're so lovely.
my nanna is fine, she's not in hospital anymore, which is good. I'm going to go with my sister to see her some weekend soon, hopefully.
She'll be okay. She's a tough woman.
As for not posting because you're saying nonsense, well that's just silly. i like reading whatever you say, it's time you've spent replying to whatever i've blabbered on about, and I appreciate that.
thankyou for the virtual hug, it helped.
- Hil.
my nanna is fine, she's not in hospital anymore, which is good. I'm going to go with my sister to see her some weekend soon, hopefully.
She'll be okay. She's a tough woman.
As for not posting because you're saying nonsense, well that's just silly. i like reading whatever you say, it's time you've spent replying to whatever i've blabbered on about, and I appreciate that.
thankyou for the virtual hug, it helped.
- Hil.
You certainly are writing a lot lately. It's good. Writing is a great way to think.
Brad is a pretty smart fellow and so is Jung, so there must be some truth to the theories. Of course, it could be the food you ate just before bedtime. Chocolate gives some people very bizarre dreams, even nightmares. Have you been eating close to bedtime? ;).
You just need to find a place to pitch your tent. The dreams will fix themselves.
Brad is a pretty smart fellow and so is Jung, so there must be some truth to the theories. Of course, it could be the food you ate just before bedtime. Chocolate gives some people very bizarre dreams, even nightmares. Have you been eating close to bedtime? ;).
You just need to find a place to pitch your tent. The dreams will fix themselves.
I did not know that thing about eating before bedtime. Usually I'll drink something and maybe eat a few strawberries or something like that... I'll cut that out.
thankyou for the tip.
And I know I have to pitch my tent, menelaus, but you know how hard that is... especially on a rollercoaster. (still don't want to get off the ride though)
Brad is a pretty smart guy... *smiles*
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thankyou for the tip.
And I know I have to pitch my tent, menelaus, but you know how hard that is... especially on a rollercoaster. (still don't want to get off the ride though)
Brad is a pretty smart guy... *smiles*
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