Friday, 13 October 2006
drama queen rants
I apologise about the last post, I was feeling miserable. But now I realise I was probably blowing it out of proportion. The thing is that yesterday I went to the hospital to have tests done, because I might have cancer. I say it like that and it doesn't feel as huge as I made it out to be. It's a possibility, not a certainty, and even if I do have it, it's not the end of the world. There are options. I just didn't want to tell anyone at the time, because i knew they'd worry... and that's the last thing I want. Ages ago, when someone tried to rape me, the worst thing wasn't the actual incident, because I handled that okay, it was the way everyone looked at me afterwards, a sort of pity that made me feel weak, even though I'd faught the deushbag off. So, the thought of having cancer, it means that I'm the burden girl again, that somehow this bad event happened to me, and though I'm trying in my life, I can't do anything to change it, if that makes sense.
Okay, so no more drama queen posts, i promise, plus, as doc kind of pointed out to me, it's kind of silly not to tell you guys, considering you're on the other side of the planet, right?
Okay, so no more drama queen posts, i promise, plus, as doc kind of pointed out to me, it's kind of silly not to tell you guys, considering you're on the other side of the planet, right?
# posted by Hil : Friday, October 13, 2006
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It is quite bold of you to promise never to post a bit of drama queen rant again. You're still pretty young and lots of messed up stuff is still out there waiting for you. Wait, though, before you see that as bad news.
Just yesterday, I read an article that talked about two distinct groups of people in the world, medically speaking. The first group feels overwhelmed by life events and typically falls into some variation of depression. The second group seems to thrive on pressure and see obstacles as opportunities. Of course, the line is somewhat undefined, as some people have a bit of both traits.
I won't pretend to know you, but from what I have gathered over time, you seem like the second type: obstacles to opportunities. You've faced challenges that most people don't experience in a lifetime, yet you're still here. And not just here, but looking for ways to improve mentally, physically, and spiritually.
Here's a promise: I won't feel sorry for you. If I was there in the same city, that would still be the case. If anything, you'll probably tire of me telling you to keep up the positive attiutude.
If you keep trying, you'll never be the burden girl.
Do me a favor...sit back, relax, and smile real big.
Just yesterday, I read an article that talked about two distinct groups of people in the world, medically speaking. The first group feels overwhelmed by life events and typically falls into some variation of depression. The second group seems to thrive on pressure and see obstacles as opportunities. Of course, the line is somewhat undefined, as some people have a bit of both traits.
I won't pretend to know you, but from what I have gathered over time, you seem like the second type: obstacles to opportunities. You've faced challenges that most people don't experience in a lifetime, yet you're still here. And not just here, but looking for ways to improve mentally, physically, and spiritually.
Here's a promise: I won't feel sorry for you. If I was there in the same city, that would still be the case. If anything, you'll probably tire of me telling you to keep up the positive attiutude.
If you keep trying, you'll never be the burden girl.
Do me a favor...sit back, relax, and smile real big.
Ach du lieber, Gah, Oy Vey and all those other exasperation explicatives :P...
1. No apologies - blogs have many purposes and one is to rant and write and hey ever looked at my blog - I am rant/whine/life is ick queen and I ain't apologizing : ) - better out than in some wise person always said and what better place than a blog? (or over a pint or two - but can't share that with you at this point other than virtually to raise a glass... :)
2. Blowing out of proportion - nah, as alluded to in my email - scary things happen at all ages - things outta your control for me is a major scare (along with spiders - ooo ick).
3. Burden girl? See my opening explicatives again - [engage heavy Brooklyn accent] Hey, youse not a drag or burden kid, youse an indy-vide-ual and we's alls gotta sticks together then when one falls we only trample a little on their back before giving them a swift boot back up and in the game, no giving leather here, we'llah make sure to hook you up and keep ya playing - hehe
4. And silly... silly [taps foot, crosses arms, gives Hil a look of stop saying that right now or else....] you told us what you needed to tell us and n your time - I hope never to make someone tell me something on my time, it should always be your way, your time
5. Did I mention no more apologizing? :-P
take care and many thoughts your way (tho' none of pity or woe is you - I save those for me ;-) - doc who is in a odd mood so posted an odd comment
1. No apologies - blogs have many purposes and one is to rant and write and hey ever looked at my blog - I am rant/whine/life is ick queen and I ain't apologizing : ) - better out than in some wise person always said and what better place than a blog? (or over a pint or two - but can't share that with you at this point other than virtually to raise a glass... :)
2. Blowing out of proportion - nah, as alluded to in my email - scary things happen at all ages - things outta your control for me is a major scare (along with spiders - ooo ick).
3. Burden girl? See my opening explicatives again - [engage heavy Brooklyn accent] Hey, youse not a drag or burden kid, youse an indy-vide-ual and we's alls gotta sticks together then when one falls we only trample a little on their back before giving them a swift boot back up and in the game, no giving leather here, we'llah make sure to hook you up and keep ya playing - hehe
4. And silly... silly [taps foot, crosses arms, gives Hil a look of stop saying that right now or else....] you told us what you needed to tell us and n your time - I hope never to make someone tell me something on my time, it should always be your way, your time
5. Did I mention no more apologizing? :-P
take care and many thoughts your way (tho' none of pity or woe is you - I save those for me ;-) - doc who is in a odd mood so posted an odd comment
I have to agree a lot with what doc said... and this is your space, you can be emo (drama queen-ish) if you want to - we're the ones who choose to read it...
As far as the testing goes, I wish you the very best of luck. My family has a history of cancer, so I understand the fear. Just remember, even if the tests don't come back the way you'd hope, my gandmother has had cancer twice, and she's still alive and kicking (and picking up her 20 year old grandson (me) just to prove she's not as old and fraile as we might think). Was it fun or easy for her to get through? No, I won't lie about that. But she did live through it, and she's living just fine now.
que será, será, supongo... I wish you the best this time around and in all future testings... and don't apologize for being scared - you're human, it's allowed (and expected)...
*hugs* take care, Hil~
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As far as the testing goes, I wish you the very best of luck. My family has a history of cancer, so I understand the fear. Just remember, even if the tests don't come back the way you'd hope, my gandmother has had cancer twice, and she's still alive and kicking (and picking up her 20 year old grandson (me) just to prove she's not as old and fraile as we might think). Was it fun or easy for her to get through? No, I won't lie about that. But she did live through it, and she's living just fine now.
que será, será, supongo... I wish you the best this time around and in all future testings... and don't apologize for being scared - you're human, it's allowed (and expected)...
*hugs* take care, Hil~
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