Wednesday, 3 January 2007
12:15 pm meanderings.
It's 12:15pm, and the streets are quiet. Even the cars that pass seem to whisper, as if aware that children and adults alike, are asleep. I finished work an hour ago, and am still alert from the caffeine I gulped in order to stay as alert as possible for that last hour, when so much needs to be done, and there are so few minutes left to do those things in. Like days in any life, work has its ups and downs. Today was an up, of which i'm greatful for. Yesterday was a down, filled with neat tears brushed away and horrible thoughts. One customer asked if I had been sunbaking that day. I must have looked flushed. Even neat tears leave their mark. As somebody I know sometimes says: "today was a good day", simply because it wasn't bad. One day i'll have a good day for other reasons, but for now, this is enough. I will live, and smile, though not quite as passionately as I may one day. I look forward to that day. In the mean time, my life seems to be filled with wishing that I could sleep for 5 more minutes, but realising I have to get up, meals that aren't really big enough to be considered meals... or healthy enough, large tips from old people who say i'm a "lovely lass" in whatever accent they hold, pockets filled with merlot corks, messages from friends wondering where I am, emails from ex boyfriends wondering where I am, letters from family wondering where I am, and thoughts from myself reminding myself that people go through a lot of shit in their lives, and that this is the tip of the iceberg, that I am lucky to live this life, and to stop wishing for so much when it's simply not possible, for the moment at least. Hope keeps me warm at night... hope, and the heat that my fan pushes over my face at nightime when I sleep, dreaming.
# posted by Hil : Wednesday, January 03, 2007
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This is the first time that I can recall you speaking of nighttime and dreams in a favorable fashion.
Hope looks good on you.
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Hope looks good on you.
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