Thursday, 8 March 2007
death of a salesman.
while looking after a friends shop today, i noticed there were two gentlemen waiting to be served. I approached them, smiling, then noticed that they were, I was sure, salesmen.
(in my head) "uh oh."
and sure enough.
"Hi, what's your name?" (says blonde salesman in a very salesmanish voice.)
Trying to be polite, while concealing the fact that I Know What They Are, I say "My name's Hilary, why do you ask?"
"Well hello there Hilary, my name's Matt, and this is Abdul." (seriously, the indian salesmans name was Abdul. Seems very stereotypical salesmanish to me, but anyway...)
"Nice to meet you, gentleman. Now what can I do for you today?" I say, getting ready for the speach they're about to give me...
"Well, Hilary, it's not what you can do for us, but what we can do for you, you see..."
At this point, I made the "time-out" signal with my hands. This seemed to confuse blondy for a moment.
"Guys, sorry to break your momentum here, but I'm not the owner, and I do not wish to buy anything from anybody while I am in a friends business. out of respect for her, of course."
"How did you know we were going to ask you to buy something?" Indian guy asks, who is, may I add a little less fake than his friend.
"Honestly?"
"Sure". Blondy says with a cheesy smile.
"Because of what you're wearing, because you're holding folders in an attempt to look professional, because if you were just here as customers there would be no need to know my name, because you" (looking at blondy) "talk like a car salesman, but you're obviously the one who's been doing this for longer because you" (looking at the indian guy) "haven't said anything, so you're obviously trying to learn fake smiles from blondy."
Indian guy smiles. (An actual smile.)
"Well, we're not really salesmen, Hilary, we're here to talk to you about your electricity provider." (another big cheesy grin.)
"so let me get this straight, IF hypothetically I were lying to you and I was the owner of this establishment, you wouldn't try to convince me to invest any money what-so-ever with you?"
Blondy looks a little confused for a moment, then Indian guy buts in saying, "we're trying to get you to change your electricity supplier."
Finally. They get to the point.
"yes, well, I'm sorry gentlemen, but that is a call for the actual owner, which I'm not, but I do believe she's happy with her service provider, and on behalf of her, and myself, I would like to wish you a good day. Goodbye." I start to turn to go back to doing something sonstructive, when, GET THIS:
blondy starts flirting with me in his saleman voice! I look at Indian guy who's almost laughing, because I can tell that He Knows that i'm not impressed with blondy to begin with. I mouth "seriously?" to Indian, and he nods.
Blondy is midway through his pick-up speech of "so, Hilary, would You like to go out and have a drink with Me?" He says it as if it would be an honour for me to get to drink with him, and of course, adds an even cheesier grin.
"Do you Always use that phony voice and business tactics to get what you want?"
"Business tactics, what do you mean?" (Big smile) At this point, if he smiles again, i'm going to hurt him.
"Like saying my name 20 times in a conversation in order to make the other person feel important and familiar, for example..."
"I wouldn't do that with you, Hilary."
Indian guy is trying desperately not to laugh behind blondys back.
"Riiight, yes, well, I'm sorry, but I don't think that you're my type. I don't date robots." I gesture to the door, and say "See ya' later Abdul."
"catch ya" Indian says as he really smiles and leaves.
I said death of 'a' salesman, not both of them.
(in my head) "uh oh."
and sure enough.
"Hi, what's your name?" (says blonde salesman in a very salesmanish voice.)
Trying to be polite, while concealing the fact that I Know What They Are, I say "My name's Hilary, why do you ask?"
"Well hello there Hilary, my name's Matt, and this is Abdul." (seriously, the indian salesmans name was Abdul. Seems very stereotypical salesmanish to me, but anyway...)
"Nice to meet you, gentleman. Now what can I do for you today?" I say, getting ready for the speach they're about to give me...
"Well, Hilary, it's not what you can do for us, but what we can do for you, you see..."
At this point, I made the "time-out" signal with my hands. This seemed to confuse blondy for a moment.
"Guys, sorry to break your momentum here, but I'm not the owner, and I do not wish to buy anything from anybody while I am in a friends business. out of respect for her, of course."
"How did you know we were going to ask you to buy something?" Indian guy asks, who is, may I add a little less fake than his friend.
"Honestly?"
"Sure". Blondy says with a cheesy smile.
"Because of what you're wearing, because you're holding folders in an attempt to look professional, because if you were just here as customers there would be no need to know my name, because you" (looking at blondy) "talk like a car salesman, but you're obviously the one who's been doing this for longer because you" (looking at the indian guy) "haven't said anything, so you're obviously trying to learn fake smiles from blondy."
Indian guy smiles. (An actual smile.)
"Well, we're not really salesmen, Hilary, we're here to talk to you about your electricity provider." (another big cheesy grin.)
"so let me get this straight, IF hypothetically I were lying to you and I was the owner of this establishment, you wouldn't try to convince me to invest any money what-so-ever with you?"
Blondy looks a little confused for a moment, then Indian guy buts in saying, "we're trying to get you to change your electricity supplier."
Finally. They get to the point.
"yes, well, I'm sorry gentlemen, but that is a call for the actual owner, which I'm not, but I do believe she's happy with her service provider, and on behalf of her, and myself, I would like to wish you a good day. Goodbye." I start to turn to go back to doing something sonstructive, when, GET THIS:
blondy starts flirting with me in his saleman voice! I look at Indian guy who's almost laughing, because I can tell that He Knows that i'm not impressed with blondy to begin with. I mouth "seriously?" to Indian, and he nods.
Blondy is midway through his pick-up speech of "so, Hilary, would You like to go out and have a drink with Me?" He says it as if it would be an honour for me to get to drink with him, and of course, adds an even cheesier grin.
"Do you Always use that phony voice and business tactics to get what you want?"
"Business tactics, what do you mean?" (Big smile) At this point, if he smiles again, i'm going to hurt him.
"Like saying my name 20 times in a conversation in order to make the other person feel important and familiar, for example..."
"I wouldn't do that with you, Hilary."
Indian guy is trying desperately not to laugh behind blondys back.
"Riiight, yes, well, I'm sorry, but I don't think that you're my type. I don't date robots." I gesture to the door, and say "See ya' later Abdul."
"catch ya" Indian says as he really smiles and leaves.
I said death of 'a' salesman, not both of them.
# posted by Hil : Thursday, March 08, 2007
Comments:
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Sounds like blondy is a moron. It's a shame that you think of 'salesperson' and then think of blondy. We aren't all that way.
It is a good story though. I enjoy good stories.
It's funny, but I never found using a person's name multiple times made a difference, other than to seem fake and insincere. I like to make a mental note of the person's name and use it one time during the close of the sale. It is disarming at just the right moment.
It is a good story though. I enjoy good stories.
It's funny, but I never found using a person's name multiple times made a difference, other than to seem fake and insincere. I like to make a mental note of the person's name and use it one time during the close of the sale. It is disarming at just the right moment.
i enjoyed a good laugh from that, thanks ^_^
at least getting hit on for you is humourous... i was hit on by some random gay guy in a mall parkinglot yesterday, and it was just awkward - not because i'm straight, but because he just pulled up next to me in his car, was nodding and smirking, rolled down his window, and just says "hot", giving a big head nod at me... i sort of glance to my left and right, hoping that someone else was around me, and that maybe he wasn't talking to me, but there was no one, so i sort of looked back at him (he's still freaking nodding and smirking!), made a face depicting my being uncomfortable (and clearly uninterested), then just walked away...
i looked back over my shoulder as i was walking away, laughing to myself a bit, and he was watching me through his rearview mirror, and he had a confused/sad look on his face, as though he was dissapointed, and didn't understand how his ultimate pick up line could have failed... at that point, i laughed more, heh...
~Mike
at least getting hit on for you is humourous... i was hit on by some random gay guy in a mall parkinglot yesterday, and it was just awkward - not because i'm straight, but because he just pulled up next to me in his car, was nodding and smirking, rolled down his window, and just says "hot", giving a big head nod at me... i sort of glance to my left and right, hoping that someone else was around me, and that maybe he wasn't talking to me, but there was no one, so i sort of looked back at him (he's still freaking nodding and smirking!), made a face depicting my being uncomfortable (and clearly uninterested), then just walked away...
i looked back over my shoulder as i was walking away, laughing to myself a bit, and he was watching me through his rearview mirror, and he had a confused/sad look on his face, as though he was dissapointed, and didn't understand how his ultimate pick up line could have failed... at that point, i laughed more, heh...
~Mike
# posted by 
: 4:04 am
: 4:04 am
What I think the best bit about this story is that Blondey still thinks he's top shit!
# posted by : 1:46 pm
: 1:46 pm
Menelaus, I didn't know you were a salesman. I'll have to rethink my definition of 'salesmen'. You may have saved the defintion.
Mike, I understand the why gay guy was sad. I'd be bitterly dissapointed if that zinger of a line didn't work too. (holds back laughter.) long time no see, how have you been, mike?
Dash, i'm surprised you found me. I forgot about the -'s in the blog address. I still can't believe you thought I had 3 tattoo's. shocking, man.
Mike, I understand the why gay guy was sad. I'd be bitterly dissapointed if that zinger of a line didn't work too. (holds back laughter.) long time no see, how have you been, mike?
Dash, i'm surprised you found me. I forgot about the -'s in the blog address. I still can't believe you thought I had 3 tattoo's. shocking, man.
"Like saying my name 20 times in a conversation in order to make the other person feel important and familiar, for example..."
"I wouldn't do that with you, Hilary."
Haha.
Sounds like blondy has been deluding himself for too long and doesn't know what he's doing anymore.
It's sad. But stil good for a laugh.
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"I wouldn't do that with you, Hilary."
Haha.
Sounds like blondy has been deluding himself for too long and doesn't know what he's doing anymore.
It's sad. But stil good for a laugh.
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