getting over it

"but still" is human nature... i end sentences with ellipsis, because it's noncommittal... "but still" acts just the same, by expressing an opinion, but then leaving the door open as if to say "well, this is what i really think, however, something else might be true"...

people don't like to be wrong... if you've quit already, but it wasn't in a way such that your boss is 100% positive that you're never coming back again, then that "but still" covers you, by saying "i think i quit, but in case i didn't..."

don't feel bad or wrong in the slightest for using "but still", because, as i said, it's human nature, we all do it because, really, who likes to be wrong, even about the tiniest of matters?...

as for what you're missing, that's your own to figure out...

~Mike
 

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
 

This comment has been removed by the author.
 

it was more of a i-quit-over-the-phone-but-feel-i-should-explain-myself-in-person-because-it-will-not-only-not-feel-real-otherwise-but-also-i-will-feel-like-a-chicken-shit,etc, ellipses moment... if you know what i mean...

:P

ugh. why did i just do a smiley? and why did i not just erase it? lazy of a new kind, i guess.

what are you missing in your life?

(other than more bowie, of course.)
 

i absolutely love that question: "what are you missing in your life?"... it's not something i'd stop to think about unless you directly ask me about (which you did)... i feel there's a lot missing - which isn't to say there's not a lot there - just a few key ideas left blank, at the moment... i'd say a sense of purpose/direction would be a big one... i don't exactly feel like i'm caught in a breeze, being taken wherever life will take me - i'd rather enjoy that, but my spirit isn't the kind to be that free (at least, again, not at the moment)... more, i feel as though i'm trapped in a breeze in a dark, closed wind tunnel... i'm on a path that i can't see the end of, can't see a way out of, and can't really figure out where i am to begin with (i'm about to graduate college and leave the structured, blindly guided world of education for what i hope will be a slightly freer world of gainful employment, *if* i can find a job any time soon, heh)...

the other big thing i'd say i'm missing is someone to share a bed with at night... i think it's a bit strange, but what i still miss most about my last girlfriend (we broke up roughly a year ago) is just having someone to be with, especially at night - it made drifting off to sleep so much easier when there was someone else there... when i think back on the relationship and get that sad sense of longing, it's not for her, specifically, but for the idea of her, the idea of someone who cares about me and wants to be with me - and that's why i think it's strange, because when i get that longing feeling of missing someone while thinking of her, it's not actually her i'm missing (we were just wrong for each other, as it turns out, no harsh feelings, or so i think)...

lastly, and i think this is directly impacted by the first two, but i feel as though i'm missing a reason... i just don't find myself motivated to try anymore... though, maybe, it's that the other two are impacted by this, y'think?...

ah well, who knows; either way, very good question.

~Mike
 

mike, i'm not sure anyone really finds a reason, other than those absurdly fantastic do-gooders out there in the world - you know the ones, the ones that will some day be referred to as the new jersey version of mother teresa, or whatever.

I think the rest of us just find brilliant ways of distracting ourselves. We get the girl that sleeps next to us in bed, or guy, in my case, we get the job that fills the harshest daylight hours of the day so that we don't have to think what-if-i-were-doing-something-else... We find ways to fill our lives to distract us in a way that makes us not think about "what is the reason?"

That may sound a little depressing, but i'm not sure it is. You can enjoy life a lot while you're being distracted. I mean, think of disneyland. What a great distraction. (Note to self: next time i go to the states, go to disneyland and or world.)

I think my problems are pretty similar to yours, the only reaosn i'm worrying about mine now is because my distractions have been minimalised. I broke up with the bf, I moved away from my friends, and the course in life i thought i was taking, changed. But that's life, right?

Maybe being forced to think about the reason isn't such a bad thing?
 

i think you may be on to something... i mean, when i say i need a reason, i don't really mean a purpose in life, but just something to look forward to - some reason to get out of bed (especially since, lately, dreams are proving more interesting than reality)... i think the routine and monotony of life at school - the cycle of classes and seeing the same faces in the same places on the same days of the week - has reduced its distraction factor... i mean, what's the point in just going through the motions day after day, if there's nothing new?... and that might be why we do work, and we do have relationships, so we can be challenged to think or at least deal with varying situations, and so we can fight, contrast viewpoints, and hopefully learn something new... i guess the distractions just have to be worth while?...

so, i suppose the question becomes how to find new distractions, with the monotony of routine persisting as a necessity?...

step 1 - resume reading insightful purple thoughts - check ^_~

~Mike