getting over it

How do i write about this? I can't. It's impossible. It's too big. To sum up all of these nothings to make my something would be too hard. So, instead, i'll tell you my present instead of my past.
Right now, i'm sitting on my bed, writing this under the light of a lamp that is being used for the first times. I've owned this lamp for 2years, but have never used it because it's never held a light-bulb. Rosemary, the stranger who owns the house i'm now in love with left a single light-bulb in the 3rd drawer. This stranger have me light that is more significant than she'll ever realise, especially if the metaphorical lamp theory pans out. If it's as symoblic as I imagine, it's a sign that i'm meant to be here. My life was meant to get screwed up for a reason. (I am looking for signs, and will be satisfied with almost anything I find.) Hope cares for me better than any human I know. It's like when you're driving by yourself on some lonely stretch of road and you become the ultimate version of yourself. If you're a miserable bastard you'll get grumpy and most like make other drivers pissed off too. If you're sad at heart, you'll end up crying because you'll hear meaning in songs on the radio that may not even be there. If you're happy, you'll sing loudly, no matter if you sound like Fran drescher. If you're looking for something, you'll look out the side window, despite that that may mean you may swerve a little (or is that just me as a bad driver??) and hey, you may even stop to look at random things, like willy-willy's, or whatever you guys think they're called.
I was sriving the other day and I came up with the concept of 'human grafiti' - as in, grafiti made by accident, rather than by paint and stencils. Like, half of a footprint in the cement made by some person who didn't look before stepping. Or a bent pole from a mother of three trying to calm her kids down. Or other random things like that. Crosses on the side of the road are the worst ones. But the thing was was that the other day when I was driving, I noticed so many of these things, that it was like the road was talking to me, telling me stories, letting me know about it's history. It was a pretty strange moment, because i've driven this road many times before, and never noticed a thing - perhaps because I was in the happy moof that I mentioned before that makes a person sing Queen as loudly as possible.

Not sure. anyway, it was a moment. Not sure what sort of a moment, but it was there.
I should go to sleep before my gay neighbours stop making noise (singing 'oops i did it again' - i wish i were joking). I like to go to sleep with noise, no matter how awful. heh.

Night lamp.
Night world.